I'm Uglier than Angie.

(Angelina Jolie, that is)

Angie is much hotter than I'll ever be, and she's the hottest woman in the world by far (with Kate Winslet and Justin Timberlake trailing closely behind). So I replaced the dowdy picture of myself in exchange for Le Jolie.

"Caffeine" Trailer

Oooh! I'm hyper! Time for films, now that our favorite show is over (claps for Marty and Jennifer). The release date is March 16th (Limited).

The Best Dressed

Ah Fashion...I love J. Lo and George Clooney.

Award Police: Part II

(Part II of III)

Oh, the anticipation! Oh, the glamour! Oh, the drama! Oh, Jack Nicholson’s Britney head! The Oscars certainly arrived, last night, in style, vogue and Jennifer Hudson’s god-given tears.

The night began off as a partly cloudy late afternoon with the biggest names in showbiz right there, in front of Kodak Theatre. Now, before I begin to evoke a meteorologist, I should say I forgot it was only four P.M. in Los Angeles. Oh, what the hell, let the party begin.

The Barbara Walters special was actually quite interesting, considering that Helen Mirren would “take her kit off” again and Eddie Murphy’s …er… love of recluse. Yet, fuck that. The Oscars was why I was watching television. The evening began with those tiresome celebrity interviews with those blurbs of info at the bottom of my television screen. Also, some large black man describing the process of Jennifer Hudson choosing her not-particularly-stylish dress (get rid of that snakeskin jacket, sister!) and her “comfortable” stiletto heels. Are stiletto heels really oh-so-comfortable? Only at the Oscars.

So now that were done with the milling around on the red carpet, let’s move into Ellen DeGeneres’ hut of golden statues and everyone that really matters in film (well except for poor Judi Dench, who was having surgery on her boobs). Sadly, the normally snappy DeGeneres failed to make the night come alive (with the exception of a few jokes), attempting to portray some sort of celebrity soothsayer. Forget calming down and Christian Baptism hymns, bring on the jokes, bitch! I want my Jon Stewart. Hell yeah, I could be a better host. Anyway, praying that we’ll get a more interesting host next year; let the awards commence.

Art Direction? Who really cares other than Guillermo Del Toro? Make-up? Psssh… Sound mixing and sound editing? Their only virtues were some random guy sticking his hands into mud for Apocalypto. I don’t remember the order…because don’t people have lives? Do they really need to sit there with their eyes glazed over at whether a impossibly cute Jaden Smith and a similarly cute Abigail Breslin (although, maybe you should take some improv classes, little one) presented Live-Action Short before Animated Short. And then there was Supporting Actor.

Now before I announced my bewilderment over Supporting Actor, let me say this: I don’t give a damn about any technical, or any other category besides the big eight besides Original Song and Costume Design. Or scrap the screenplays. That was boring. Let’s move onto to Alan Arkin’s little golden statue. Supporting Actor was among the categories with the most weight (besides Picture). So, the drama was heightening as gorgeous Mark Wahlberg furrowed his eyebrows his eyebrows at the damn sexy woman named Rachel Weisz, as she proudly declared “And the winner is…” Alan Fucking Arkin. In actuality, he and Breslin were thankfully the only highlights of an otherwise mediocre film. However, his acceptance speech was a few lengths short of deviating my attention from my fingernails. I miss his jaded cynicism from Thirteen Conversations About One Thing, or his heroin-and-porn addiction from Little Miss Sunshine. Bring on the love, grandpa! I want you to tear me away from my lengthening fingernails!

OK, I’m finished ranting. Let’s move on. Jennifer Hudson, Dreamgirls. No surprises here, except her mention of Jennifer Holliday in her heartfelt acceptance speech (hers, Whitaker’s and the female Best Make-Up (“It’s very heavy!” upon receiving her Oscar) recipient had the only remotely digressing acceptance speeches). I want her acceptance speech. Thank god, and her heartfelt (overused word?) dedication to her grandmother, more heartfelt than Reese Witherspoon’s peppy grandmother dedication.

Then there was costume design, whose elaborate sets, a live dog, a sashaying Annika Noni Rose wannabe and a suddenly living sword, were eye candy. Speaking of eye candy, the succulent Marie Antoinette received an Oscar (“Let them eat cake!”) while the even more delicious Marky Mark failed to obtain his much deserved statue. Now let’s move onto Original Song. The Cars song was awfully dead, compared to the explosive power of Dreamgirls or the environmental slides of “I Need To Wake Up” from double-winner An Inconvenient Truth. While the three glamorous Dreamgirls songs might have missed out, Melissa Etheridge’s heartfelt kiss to her lesbian makes all those ranting wannabe liberals (Crash was actually a better film, face it) forget about last year’s Brokeback “snub.” Although “Listen” is stuck in my head, “Patience” brought the real power to the Original Song category. Patience, little brother… Patience, little sister… Maybe it was too much of a reference to Catwoman to win.

Now let’s get onto the big dawgs.

Leading Actress: Helen Mirren. “This is the queen!” Otherwise, no surprises here.

Leading Actor: Hallelujah, Forest Whitaker took home the other queen! The great actor finally took home a “queen” in all his grander. His acceptance speech brought out the tears in me (again, I also cried when Jennifer Hudson won and during the “In Memoriam.” They should have had a more tear-worthy actress besides Jodie Foster do that next year), I loved his story of how one can be raised up high by dreams. How a little boy in the back seat of a drive-in car could be such a Forest Whitaker. I love you, Idi.

Now let’s move onto the three amigos and Marty. Poor, poor George Lucas never won and Oscar, and him in all his geeky glory brought back memories of watching Star Wars. Not really. But anyway, the three white-bearded amigos presented the award (bad Steven Spielberg should have had poor statueless Lucas announce the award) but Scorsese seemed plenty gratified to have his three amigos from the ‘70s present his award. But it just seems so belated to give him it now after Raging Bull, Taxi Driver and GoodFellas. But someday you’ll win an Oscar. Maybe not on your third film. That’s life, Alejandro. But then when you do get it, it’ll take a few pounds of Meryl Streep to calm Leo and Marky Mark down.

And then came the Best Picture. I swear, there must be fingernail marks on the chair where I was sitting. Oh, the drama! Diane Keaton, who didn’t deserve to be up there after Because I Said So, although delivered the oodles of enthusiasm that Jack Nicholson/Britney Spears lacked. (I have to say, though. Nicholson looks better without any hair than the rehab skipper/Justin cheater Britney) Pop culture tidbit: I saw Cameron Diaz and Jessica Biel hanging around the podium, but no ScarJo and no Timberlake. Make that ScarLake. ScarLake was probably off in some faraway bed fucking the hell of each other and not paying attention the blaring Television screen displaying Justin’s three ex-girlfriends, two sexy with terrible fashion (see Part III later this week) and one standing with Diane Keaton. Back to Keaton. While Jack didn’t really do anything but hand his assignments over to Diane and open the envelope (remember when Catherine Zeta-Jones could barely open the envelope in 2003 due to her fingernails!). But when Diane peered around Britney/Jack, she raised her hands up high and defiantly declared The Departed! with such enthusiasm for what must have been her favorite BP nominee that you could hear Greta Garbo chuckling somewhere, far off. Oh, whatever. The most deserving film of the year won (well, sans the twenty films above it). That means something to me. I love you Diane, no matter how many terrible romantic comedies you make.


Also: later this week, I don't know when, I will be posting the fashion and afterthoughts, the last segment of Award Police. Anyway, do I sound less like Breakfast?

Wake Up!

For the upcoming (or previous night's) Oscars, it's "One Night Only."

The 9th Annual Chubby Hippo Awards

Every year I, Chubbit a.k.a. Naughty Marianne Jean-Baptiste present the Chubby Hippo Awards as my own personal awards. However, instead of awarding the most buzzed about film, such as The Departed or Babel, I base my awards on quality entirely. Yes, The Departed, Letters From Iwo Jima, Notes On a Scandal or Dreamgirls, which were all superb films, there were five films that stood out: those are the nominees. Children of Men, Clean, Little Children, Pan's Labryinth and Volver. Then there were twenty-five individuals whose work in film, five for directors directing the nominated films, and twenty for performances ranging in intensity, age, and films. Today, the winners are announced, and I am delighted to bring them to me. And please post your reactions. Also, I thought Babel and Little Miss Sunshine were quite mediocre.

9th Annual Chubby Hippo Award Nominations

Best Picture
Children of Men
Clean
Little Children
Pan’s Labyrinth
Volver

Best Director
Oliver Assayas, Clean
Pedro Almodovár, Volver
Alfonso Cuarón, Children of Men
Guillermo Del Toro, Pan’s Labryinth
Todd Field, Little Children

Best Leading Actor
Ryan Gosling, Half Nelson
Edward Norton, The Illusionist
Clive Owen, Children of Men
Forest Whitaker, The Last King of Scotland
Patrick Wilson, Little Children

Best Leading Actress
Ivana Baquero, Pan’s Labryinth
Maggie Cheung, Clean
Penélope Cruz, Volver
Meryl Streep, The Devil Wears Prada
Kate Winslet, Little Children

Best Supporting Actor
Ben Affleck, Hollywoodland
Stephen Dorff, Shadowboxer
Jackie Earl Haley, Little Children
Sergí Lopez, Pan’s Labryinth
Nick Nolte, Clean

Best Supporting Actress
Clare-Hope Ashitey, Children of Men
Frances McDormand, Friends With Money
Emily Blunt, The Devil Wears Prada
Cameron Maura, Volver
Brittany Murphy, The Dead Girl




So those are the nominees. Are you ready for the winners?

The first category is Best Supporting Actor (some may consider me a feminist) and the nominees are:
Ben Affleck, Hollywoodland
Stephen Dorff, Shadowboxer
Jackie Earl Haley, Little Children
Sergí Lopez, Pan’s Labryinth
Nick Nolte, Clean

And the winner is...
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Ben Affleck, Hollywoodland




The second category is Best Supporting Actress (My favorite category) and the nominees are:
Clare-Hope Ashitey, Children of Men
Frances McDormand, Friends With Money
Emily Blunt, The Devil Wears Prada
Cameron Maura, Volver
Brittany Murphy, The Dead Girl

And the winner is...
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Frances McDormand, Friends With Money




The third category is Best Leading Actress (for Actressexuals) and the nominees are:
Ivana Baquero, Pan’s Labryinth
Maggie Cheung, Clean
Penélope Cruz, Volver
Meryl Streep, The Devil Wears Prada
Kate Winslet, Little Children

And the winner is...
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Kate Winslet, Little Children




The fourth category is Best Leading Actor (I have no snappy comment) and the nominees are:
Ryan Gosling, Half Nelson
Edward Norton, The Illusionist
Clive Owen, Children of Men
Forest Whitaker, The Last King of Scotland
Patrick Wilson, Little Children

And the winner is...
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Patrick Wilson, Little Children




The fifth category is Best Director (all directors nominated are the same as the pictures nominated) and the nominees are:
Oliver Assayas, Clean
Pedro Almodovár, Volver
Alfonso Cuarón, Children of Men
Guillermo Del Toro, Pan’s Labryinth
Todd Field, Little Children
And the winner is...
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Pedro Almodovár, Volver




The sixth category is Best Picture (the big finale) and the nominees are:
Children of Men
Clean
Little Children
Pan’s Labyrinth
Volver

And the winner is...
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Little Children

So that pretty much wraps up the 9th annual Chubby Hippo Awards. Feel free to leave comments (as anonymous if you don't have a blog). Also, you may post your own lineups and winners. Just comment.

Award Police Info.

Just to tell y'all that Award Police: Part I will be posted on Monday, and Award Police: Part II will be posted on Sunday. Now make way for the 9th annual Chubby Hippo Awards.

Generica

Ok, I'm delving into the world of average lists with a list of the top 50 films of this year. And I left the top 5 off until tomorrow, for the Chubby Hippo Awards. And now today is tomorrow, so I added the Top 5. (Note: I omitted animated films, I don't know why)

50. Phat Girlz
49. Bobby
48. Kinky Boots
47. Flags of Our Fathers
46. An Incovenient Truth
45. Edmond
44. This Film Has Not Yet Been Rated
43. Water
42. Strangers With Candy
41. The Great New Wonderful
40. Inside Man
39. The Proposition
38. CSA: The Confederate States of America
37. World Trade Center
36. Madea's Family Reunion
35. Casino Royale
34. The Queen
33. 10 Items or Less
32. Dreamgirls
31. Venus
30. Mini's First Time
29. Akeelah and the Bee
28. The Science of Sleep
27. The Illusionist
26. Free Zone
25. Letters from Iwo Jima
24. The Devil Wears Prada
23. Quinceanera
22. The Dead Girl
21. The Departed
20. The Notorious Bettie Page
19. Inland Empire
18. Notes on a Scandal
17. Friends With Money
16. Sleeping Dogs Lie
15. Thank You for Smoking
14. Lady Venegance
13. V for Vendetta
12. 3 Needles
11. The House of Sand
10. Conversations with Other Women
9. Hollywoodland
8. The Last King of Scotland
7. Half Nelson
6. Stick It

5. Volver
4. Children of Men
3. Clean
2. Pan's Labryinth
1. Little Children

More Heavenly Cinema

I might dig pop culture, I also dig pre-Nerdvana Peter Jackson. My fave movie of all time. Yowza, that sounded amateur.

Heavenly Cinema

If The Royal Tennenbaums is the world's greatest film, Heavenly Creatures is simply out of this world.

Fergadisturbia

A few years, the Black Eyed Peas made quite a hit with their idiotic hit, "My Humps." Then the film "Disturbia" opens later next week. Forget Shia LaBeouf and Carrie-Ann Moss; this is Disturbia.

Award Police: Part I

(Part I of III)

Ah…the sweet smell of Kate Winslet’s sweat, as the biggest night of the year approaches. That is, in fashion, style, a little golden man and poor Kate Winslet, going home four, soon to be five times with only a lousy gift bag. Yes, Oscar night is upon us.

For all of us yeomen and yeowomen, the police of the awards, the Oscar Buzzers, we eagerly await this night with extensive lists of Oscar Predictions, upturned faces, and a night prayer for Letters from Iwo Jima to become a last-minute black horse. However, the Hollywood isn’t so nice after all. Once again, from Madonna’s worst album, "How can it hurt when it feels so good?" Yes it’ll feel good if Forest Whitaker grasps that Oscar, or if the aforementioned Winslet basks in the aura of an Academy Award win. But think Fergie… "And my Daddy told me so, he let his daughter know…" In other words (for less Fergalicious readers), showbiz ain’t E-Z. Yes, all these stars such as Vivien Leigh and Orson Welles, blinded by the blight of glamour, Hollywood and vogue, they appraise Hollywood’s open arms and loving embraces. Fuck that. Just ask Jeremy Piven a.k.a. Ari Gold. He’s forty-five and didn’t make headlines until last month.

Now let’s take a break from Fergie and Smokin’ Aces, I tend to delve off-topic to pleasured subjects (Ok, Jeremy Piven, not Smokin’ Aces). Let’s get to the main topic of this post: The Oscars.

My predictions are not the best. I have a feeling that I, like everybody else, am subject to putting my homie Forest Whitaker in front of Lawrence of Arabia. Still, these are my predictions.
Picture – Little Miss Sunshine
Director – Martin Scorsese, The Departed
Leading Actor – Forest Whitaker, The Last King of Scotland (arrgh)
Leading Actress – Helen Mirren, The Queen (duh)
Supporting Actor – Marky Mark, The Departed
Supporting Actress – Jennifer Hudson, Dreamgirls
On my original predictions (you know…the ones for nominees), I did okay. No, I did terribly, in my perspective. I made 4/5 in Best Picture, not surprisingly, considering how I, as well as the rest of the world, missed the Dreamgirls overkill instead of the critically acclaimed Letters from Iwo Jima. In director, I made out 4/5 (again), this time skipping Greengrass for Bill Condon for Dreamgirls. However, poor Paul never made much higher up than #12-ish on my predictions. In Actor, I predicted 4/5, pretty well, or an lovely 5/5 if you’re nice and say that I got Leonardo DiCaprio and it doesn’t matter if he was nominated for Blood Diamond, not The Departed. There won’t be much text on Best Actress, 5/5, considering that two weeks before the nominees were announced; we all already knew that if Maggie Gyllenhaal slipped in, that would render as a total shock. Supporting Actor was my misstep, with an appalling 1/5. Thank god for Eddie Murphy. Some of my blunders were understandable, Jack Nicholson instead of Marky Mark? Duh. However, why I believed Michael Sheen would get a nod is now beyond my post-coital Nominee experience. Earlier, Cinemaniac blasted my predictions in only the Supporting Actor. I was a dumbass and refused to budge my precious Brad Pitt and Ben Affleck. Once again, personal opinion over critical opinion. I preferred the grandeur and glamour of Affleck in Hollywoodland to Djimon Honsou’s grit and glistening forehead in the mediocre Blood Diamond. Still, Honsou’s silver tie at the Golden Globes as positively orgasmic. Ok, I think I’ll move on now. Supporting Actress I scored 5/5, everything from Jennifer Hudson bravura and Cate Blanchett’s ethereality to Rinko Kikuchi’s undefinable deafness (she made Babel watchable). Although, Barrazza and Breslin just don’t do it for me. At least I pulled off a perfect 5/5…

So those are my views on the upcoming Oscars. For now, on Oscar Buzz, we’re dissecting Marky Mark’s penis size, Rinko Kikuchi’s nomination-grabbing nudity, Meryl Streep’s 46% Oscar nomination rate, Kate Winslet fanboyism and the recently ended delicate dance between Breakfast and the admins. Anyway, as I’m reading over this, I’m starting to sound like Breakfast. Is that good or bad? It’s better than sounding like Joe/Yorick. ("Eveb," "Idae," "I’m a pathetic, sad person," "Well, f--k you!" all are direct quotes from one thread). Now excuse me while I decide whether to use Lil’ Kim’s "Whoa!" or Dreamgirls’ "One Night Only" for next week’s Wake Up! You can give me another suggestion through comments.

This is Naughty Marianne Jean-Baptiste’s three-part Oscar column "Award Police". Tune in next time for the last-minute thoughts as well as what next week’s Wake Up! video will be.

I Dig Pop Culture.

Paris forgets her underwear.


Britney forgets her underwear.


Paris makes a sex tape.


Britney shaves her head.


Four words: I DIG POP CULTURE.


Why? "Hollywood, how can it hurt when it feels good?" I must be desperate to quote Madonna's worst album, but pop culture is a measure of the stupidity of America, and I luv to mock stupid Americans. I wonder why? (I'm listening to Lily Allen's "Smile" and dropping my chin at how damn smart Marisa_Gabriella is) Of course, I was first in line to get Fergie's The Dutchess and am hooked on "The Insider" (somewhat), but I still DIG POP CULTURE. Paris Hilton is a goddess, not just for socialite wannabes, but also for me. I should be honoring Meryl Streep, Audrey Hepburn or even P!nk, but Paris Hilton is a goddess. She has more print space than Meryl ever, or will ever obtain. And then Britney Spears is perhaps, the most interesting person in the world. I'm not kidding.


And then Justin Timberlake is just so hawt. And Fergie is really hawt too.

Oscar Buzz

Oscar Buzz. The name may have some er...unusual connotations. However, Oscar Buzz is an outlet for the film gods and goddesses to show their true colors and fly their flags, from Flags of our Fathers to Trois Colores. It was there where I met Amy and Breakfast, as well as an eccentric cast of characters, previously chronicled in Breakfast With a Libertine's profile.

I decided to redefine myself on the IMDb boards from a roaming poster sans a true identity to an ambiguous "Chubbit" on the fateful day of July 29th, 2006. From July to September, I claimed my territory on various boards, from The Time Traveler's Wife, Rent, and Bel Canto, to Wonder Woman. However, exactly two months later, on an even-more fateful September 29th, 2006; a link on another's messsage board profile (The Time Traveler's Wife) brought me to a board named "Oscar Buzz." There I made my first post, on the 1,000+ posted thread deciding the best film ever... However, it was on "Oscar Buzz" where I was introduced to an aforementioned eccentric cast of characters: BreakfastwithaLibertine, Amy_Winslet, Joe_Gilis, Hexibar_Saarsgard, Marisa_Gabriella, Popeye_Connelly, Shiza_Minelli, Cloak_of_the_Apocalpyse, PrinceEricSUCKS, Suzanne_Bale, Sensenomaking, Javier_Nasty, Nathaniel_Portman, Daniel_Owen (or maybe it was Daniel_Moore), Owls_Go and an elusive, lauded-upon, 12-year old queen of Oscar Buzz named "Jen_Gyllenhaal." Eventually, I burst onto the A-list, after many long hours of chain-posting, kissing Breakfast's ass, making Joe (now Yorick) exceedingly pissed off (pleasing Hexibar, now Sexi_Hexi_Green), and making comments on the greatness of Stick It. Others have followed me, but Oscar Buzz is part of my life. And, I luv u, Amy.

Wake Up! Monday Music Video.

Every Monday (or late Sunday), to wake you (and me) up, I will post a music video. (Sorry for the double videos)

This week it's Nelly Furtado's new No. 1 single: "Say It Right"

Mordecai

I Heart the Royal Tennenbaums (and Luke Wilson)

The First

Sometimes you have to go with the flow. Although I may appeal as an individualistic woman, sometimes I have to go with the flow. Maybe that's a little deep for my first post...but here's my eBlogger blog. Aren't you proud? Your little Chubbit is all grown up with a blog! I don't really have much to say (at the moment) other than this will be a film-based blog with little musings about life, Fergie, Justin Timberlake, Oscar Buzzing and my namesake.

A while ago Breakfast created a blog. Amy already had one. So I jumped on board and sacrificed my blogging virginity (well, since that last one installed all those viruses) for conformity. So here goes...

A little picture of Ms. Jean-Baptiste: