Alas is the last segment. After a shitload of postponements, ‘ere is the third part of “Award Police,” the fashion segment.
Now I honestly don’t have much to bitch about in the fashion sense. Yes, Jessica Biel’s Pepto-Bisml dress was so tacky that even Abigail Breslin opted for a May-Queen style, but otherwise… Then again, I can go on for pages about how it isn’t usually a good idea to zoom in on Beyoncé during the acceptance speech of the Visual Effects, no matter how well she listens (no “Listen”/Dreamgirls pun intended). Still, I have to claim my eternal love for J. Lo’s daring, yet absolutely stunning dress. Girl, you got style.
This year was not a big year for fashion mishaps, or even a Charlize Theron-esque daring endeavor of a bow-on-shoulder that begins a tense online debate. Whatever.
First off: the Aussies. Naomi Watts must learn that poking through Cate Blanchett’s garbage is disturbing no matter marvelous her dress was and the fact that she won. Damn, you weren’t even nominated! Then there was Nicole Kidman. As I depicted with a sickening picture of her paired with a moppy Philip Seymour Hoffman, her cherry-red bow-topped (stole from Theron) Thing was quite cruel to Daniel Craig, cherries, Charlize Theron and everybody that she took up photo space with. Her Thing left memories in my mind of atrocious Björk swan dress, but otherwise, I turned my head, no matter how much I wanted to look at James Bond, away from the TV set. Bitch.
Then there were the dazzlers, the razzle-dazzlers, who stunned us with their daring waist sequins (the aforementioned J. Lo), their usual Hollywood glamour and elegance (Kate Winslet), the fashionable sweep of a azure shoulder strap (Maggie Gyllenhaal) and many, many more… The names listed above form a formidable list of the first and foremost women in Oscar fashion. And here I am, presenting the ten best-dressed women on February 25th, 2007:
10. Emily Blunt
9. Beyoncé Knowles
8. Cate Blanchett
7. Kate Winslet
6. Rachel Weisz
5. Penelope Cruz
4. Maggie Gyllenhaal
3. Helen Mirren
2. Reese Witherspoon
1. The Amazing Goddess of Jennifer Lopez
Witherspoon, who after her little Mena Suvari-wannabe Malibu hooker outfit, turned back into simplistic style with that beautiful navy blue dress, particularly surprised me. Yummy. Tell me again, why did Ryan Phillippe divorce her?
And then there were the men. Not much going on special, with sole exceptions of George Clooney, Djimon Hounsou and Mark Wahlberg, and then that despicable outfit that Philip Seymour Hoffman put together… Oh goodness, he won an Oscar and his style is that bad? Oh. My. Goodness. Let’s shift our mindsets back to the three amigos, Clooney, Hounsou and Wahlberg, who were all immaculately dressed, I luv u all.
So that’s about it. I send my love to J. Lo and Marky Mark…but otherwise, let fashion live free and happy for the rest of it’s goddamn life. And how come Meryl Streep has no fashion whatsoever after The Devil Wears Prada? Let’s stick it J. Lo and Marky Mark.
Monday, March 5, 2007
Sunday, March 4, 2007
2006, Adieu, betch. (Part I)
The top ten films of a year is a staple of blogs. And ever since I listed the Top 50, I have been bugging myself to do an exposé on the Top Ten. So here I am....2006, adieu, betch. Now here are the first five, the non-Chubby Hippo nominees.
10: Conversations with Other Women
This little piece of heaven on earth was shot completely in split-screen, an invigorating an innovative thought that could bring new boundaries to filmmaking. But forget the photography, Conversations, starring a set-jawed Aaron Eckhart and a pouty Helena Bonham Carter, is not only smilingly funny, but also deeply textured, complex film reminding all of us of Before Sunset. It's truer and more human than most other films that attempt to recreate Linklater's film. Yet, this clever and innovative film is certainly a treat for me and my film-loving attitude. In other words, it put a smile on my face.
9. Hollywoodland
Ben Affleck is yummy. So is Diane Lane. So this well-done neo-noir thriller/drama recounting a possible homicide in the death of 1950's Superman George Reeves, played by the astounding Ben Affleck, showing that he still has that acting talent shown in Good Will Hunting, except to a greater degree. While, Adrien Brody disappears into his role of a detective, I could watch a film entirely basis of Reeves and Toni Mannix (a splendid Diane Lane) and that might as well be my #1 film of the year. Despite Brody, this noirish, understated masterpiece of Allen Coulter was not generally embraced by critics. I, in fact, did embrace it.
8. The Last King of Scotland
Forest Whitaker won an Oscar. Yay. But there's more to life than winning an Oscar, from cruelly dictating Uganda with an adulertous wife and a charming persona. Meet Idi Amin. Like Adrien Brody in the aforementioned Hollywoodland, Whitaker disappears into the role. However, after this, I watched American Gun on DVD, also with Whitaker, and I found it hard to believe this charismatic tyrant could also play other characters. Whitaker plays Amin so well that it's hard to believe that Amin himself is not in a documentary. Meanwhile, James McAvoy plays his doctor, who has an affair with Kerry Washington (Amin's wife), topped with marvelous acting and Gillian Anderson as McAvoy's wife. I loved this film, and Whitaker's my homie.
7. Half Nelson
Ryan Gosling never got a chance to bloom. I love the man. And Half Nelson is a homage to all his work of the years, from the little-known The Believer to the romance of The Notebook, yet Half Nelson is the best yet. He plays Dan Dunne, a school teacher, the type that I wish I always had, who wants his students to learn, yet somehow ends up in a drug-addled comatose every night. When one of his students (Shareeka Epps, revealing that talent has not completely dried up with Dakota Fanning in child actors) finds out his addictions, they begin an unlikely friendship. And I like unlikely friendships. This reminds of the upcoming Clean (upcoming on this list), with astounding performances from Gosling and Maggie Cheung. Well, just watch this movie.
6. Stick It
Now occasionally there is a film that only you enjoy. And for me, it's Stick It. Yes, it's about elite gymnastics and stars a female Hilary Swank eight years younger, but still, it's a film that defines who I am, and this is quite the film. Jeff Bridges, meanwhile turns up as a legendary gymnastics coach, while Missy Peregrym, reeking of Hilary Swank, delivers a performance better than Million Dollar Baby or Boys Don't Cry. It's a chick flick. It's a comedy. But, hey, I liked it. Of course, I preferred Vanessa Lengies's ass-kicking bitchiness (above) to Abigail Breslin's screaming pipsqueak beauty queen, or Nikki SooHoo's addictive (yes, I watched at least three times) gymnastic/dance routine to "Come Baby Come" more addictive than Ryan Gosling's crack addiction. (Er...never mind) Still, this film was ultimately quotable, from "It's not called gym-nice-stics." to "What's with all the closed-captioning? I'm not mute!" or "You get to fall on your face, your ass, your back, your knees, and you're pride! It's a good thing I didn't like falling- I LOVED IT!" You go, gurl. Make Jeff Bridges cry, Missy! Bitch, MAKE 'EM CRY, MISSY! MAKE HILARY SWANK CRY!
Oh well, the top five will be coming up soon. For your information, those are the the Chubby Hippo nominees.
10: Conversations with Other Women
This little piece of heaven on earth was shot completely in split-screen, an invigorating an innovative thought that could bring new boundaries to filmmaking. But forget the photography, Conversations, starring a set-jawed Aaron Eckhart and a pouty Helena Bonham Carter, is not only smilingly funny, but also deeply textured, complex film reminding all of us of Before Sunset. It's truer and more human than most other films that attempt to recreate Linklater's film. Yet, this clever and innovative film is certainly a treat for me and my film-loving attitude. In other words, it put a smile on my face.
9. Hollywoodland
Ben Affleck is yummy. So is Diane Lane. So this well-done neo-noir thriller/drama recounting a possible homicide in the death of 1950's Superman George Reeves, played by the astounding Ben Affleck, showing that he still has that acting talent shown in Good Will Hunting, except to a greater degree. While, Adrien Brody disappears into his role of a detective, I could watch a film entirely basis of Reeves and Toni Mannix (a splendid Diane Lane) and that might as well be my #1 film of the year. Despite Brody, this noirish, understated masterpiece of Allen Coulter was not generally embraced by critics. I, in fact, did embrace it.
8. The Last King of Scotland
Forest Whitaker won an Oscar. Yay. But there's more to life than winning an Oscar, from cruelly dictating Uganda with an adulertous wife and a charming persona. Meet Idi Amin. Like Adrien Brody in the aforementioned Hollywoodland, Whitaker disappears into the role. However, after this, I watched American Gun on DVD, also with Whitaker, and I found it hard to believe this charismatic tyrant could also play other characters. Whitaker plays Amin so well that it's hard to believe that Amin himself is not in a documentary. Meanwhile, James McAvoy plays his doctor, who has an affair with Kerry Washington (Amin's wife), topped with marvelous acting and Gillian Anderson as McAvoy's wife. I loved this film, and Whitaker's my homie.7. Half Nelson
Ryan Gosling never got a chance to bloom. I love the man. And Half Nelson is a homage to all his work of the years, from the little-known The Believer to the romance of The Notebook, yet Half Nelson is the best yet. He plays Dan Dunne, a school teacher, the type that I wish I always had, who wants his students to learn, yet somehow ends up in a drug-addled comatose every night. When one of his students (Shareeka Epps, revealing that talent has not completely dried up with Dakota Fanning in child actors) finds out his addictions, they begin an unlikely friendship. And I like unlikely friendships. This reminds of the upcoming Clean (upcoming on this list), with astounding performances from Gosling and Maggie Cheung. Well, just watch this movie.
6. Stick It
Now occasionally there is a film that only you enjoy. And for me, it's Stick It. Yes, it's about elite gymnastics and stars a female Hilary Swank eight years younger, but still, it's a film that defines who I am, and this is quite the film. Jeff Bridges, meanwhile turns up as a legendary gymnastics coach, while Missy Peregrym, reeking of Hilary Swank, delivers a performance better than Million Dollar Baby or Boys Don't Cry. It's a chick flick. It's a comedy. But, hey, I liked it. Of course, I preferred Vanessa Lengies's ass-kicking bitchiness (above) to Abigail Breslin's screaming pipsqueak beauty queen, or Nikki SooHoo's addictive (yes, I watched at least three times) gymnastic/dance routine to "Come Baby Come" more addictive than Ryan Gosling's crack addiction. (Er...never mind) Still, this film was ultimately quotable, from "It's not called gym-nice-stics." to "What's with all the closed-captioning? I'm not mute!" or "You get to fall on your face, your ass, your back, your knees, and you're pride! It's a good thing I didn't like falling- I LOVED IT!" You go, gurl. Make Jeff Bridges cry, Missy! Bitch, MAKE 'EM CRY, MISSY! MAKE HILARY SWANK CRY!
Oh well, the top five will be coming up soon. For your information, those are the the Chubby Hippo nominees.
The Worst Dressed.
Call the fashion police. Or Miranda Priestley, mabye J. Lo and George Clooney. But Philip Seymour Hoffman's evident "I don't really give a damn" or Nicole Kidman's sickening bow makes her resemble some sort of fake cherry-colored Charlize Theron. Reminds of Fergalicious bad fashion (Kidman, not Hoffman's sweaty recycling of haut monde). A shout out to Naomi Watts, don't go snooping around in Cate Blanchett's trash.
#19: Trade
Trade, directed by Marco Kreuzpaintner. Starring Kevin Kline, Alicja Bachleda-Curus, Paulina Gaitan, Kathleen Gati and Zack Ward.
Trade is about "Adriana (Paulina Gaitan) is a 13-year-old girl from Mexico City whose kidnapping by sex traffickers sets in motion a desperate mission by her 17-year-old brother, Jorge (Cesar Ramos), to save her. Trapped and terrified by an underground network of international thugs who earn millions exploiting their human cargo, Adriana's only friend and protector throughout her ordeal is Veronica (Alicja Bachleda-Curus), a young Polish woman tricked into the trade by the same criminal gang. As Jorge dodges immigration officers and incredible obstacles to track the girls' abductors, he meets Ray (Kevin Kline), a Tex
as cop whose own family loss to sex trafficking leads him to become an ally in the boy's quest. Fighting with courage and hard-tested faith, the characters of Trade negotiate their way through the unspeakable terrain of the sex trade "tunnels" between Mexico and the United States. From the barrios of Mexico City and the treacherous Rio Grande border, to a secret internet sex slave auction and the final climactic confrontation at a stash house in suburban New Jersey, Ray and Jorge forge a close bond as they give desperate chase to Adriana's kidnappers before she is sold and disappears forever into this brutal global underworld, a place from which few victims ever return ." Sounds Babel-y. Oh my. However, does that mean Oscar? While this may seem like a rip-off of Crash/Babel sans a respected director or a superb cast, with Kline leading the cast, I can see Oscars already. While I don't really want to write too much (I grab my plots from IMDb), I can say I'm a bit disturbed my the plot: child sex trade is quite a bit more disturbing than racial conflicts in L.A. or a worldwide tragedy hitting Brad Pitt. Well...it opens limited on August 30th, about when The Constant Gardener opened two years before.
as cop whose own family loss to sex trafficking leads him to become an ally in the boy's quest. Fighting with courage and hard-tested faith, the characters of Trade negotiate their way through the unspeakable terrain of the sex trade "tunnels" between Mexico and the United States. From the barrios of Mexico City and the treacherous Rio Grande border, to a secret internet sex slave auction and the final climactic confrontation at a stash house in suburban New Jersey, Ray and Jorge forge a close bond as they give desperate chase to Adriana's kidnappers before she is sold and disappears forever into this brutal global underworld, a place from which few victims ever return ." Sounds Babel-y. Oh my. However, does that mean Oscar? While this may seem like a rip-off of Crash/Babel sans a respected director or a superb cast, with Kline leading the cast, I can see Oscars already. While I don't really want to write too much (I grab my plots from IMDb), I can say I'm a bit disturbed my the plot: child sex trade is quite a bit more disturbing than racial conflicts in L.A. or a worldwide tragedy hitting Brad Pitt. Well...it opens limited on August 30th, about when The Constant Gardener opened two years before.One last screenshot of Kline and Gaitan...
Saturday, March 3, 2007
Friday, March 2, 2007
Oscar Backlash? Sit Down.
Remember this little episode. Marty, just call Meryl Streep and she'll calm Marky Mark and Leo down. Or maybe it's good to get a standing ovation. I still preferred Jennifer Hudson's, Forest Whitaker's, and whoever won the Sound Mixing Oscar's speeches more.
#20: Things We Lost in the Fire
For the next month, I will be doing a feature on one film that I am expectantly anticipating as a 2007 Oscar contender, twenty total. At the end of the twenty affairs of upcoming films, I will be wrapping this up with my first blog-posted Oscar predictions for 2007. The first film is Susanne Bier's Things We Lost in the Fire.
Things We Lost in the Fire, directed by Susanne Bier. Starring Halle Berry, Benicio Del Toro, David Duchnovy, Alison Lohman and Robin Weigert.
Things We Lost in the Fire is about "A recent widow invites her husband's troubled best friend to live with he
r and her two children. As he gradually turns his life around, he helps the family cope and confront their loss. ." Sounds Hallmark-y. Oh my. It does. But forget that, this is Halle Berry's big return to good films, although Perfect Stranger arrives in April. With such a seasoned cast, I'm anticipating an Oscar nomination for Berry, with chances for Del Toro and Lohman. God knows, maybe she'll be the next female Denzel Washington. Or not. Also, Susanne Bier (of Brødre and After the Wedding)
One last screenshot...seemingly of Berry and her daughter.
Things We Lost in the Fire, directed by Susanne Bier. Starring Halle Berry, Benicio Del Toro, David Duchnovy, Alison Lohman and Robin Weigert.
Things We Lost in the Fire is about "A recent widow invites her husband's troubled best friend to live with he
r and her two children. As he gradually turns his life around, he helps the family cope and confront their loss. ." Sounds Hallmark-y. Oh my. It does. But forget that, this is Halle Berry's big return to good films, although Perfect Stranger arrives in April. With such a seasoned cast, I'm anticipating an Oscar nomination for Berry, with chances for Del Toro and Lohman. God knows, maybe she'll be the next female Denzel Washington. Or not. Also, Susanne Bier (of Brødre and After the Wedding)One last screenshot...seemingly of Berry and her daughter.
I've Been a Real Bad Girl...
The last segment of "Award Police: Part III" is not coming out today, wait until tomorrow.
September 3rd, 1973...
On September 3rd 1973, at 6:28pm and 32 seconds, a bluebottle fly capable of 14,670 wing beats a minute landed on Rue St Vincent, Montmartre. At the same moment, on a restaurant terrace nearby, the wind magically made two glasses dance unseen on a tablecloth...
Thursday, March 1, 2007
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Marianne Jean-Baptiste
My namesake.
