The Beautiful People

2006, Adieu, betch. (Part II)

So yeah...the Chubby Hippo nominees...

5. Volver

I love Spanish culture. And with the blessings of a man named Pedro Almodóvar, who churned out such films as Women on the Verge of a Nervous Breakdown, Talk to Her and All About My Mother, he has gained a cult following, which includes me. His lates offering is yet another masterpiece, and what I believe, is the best since Women on the Verge of a Nervous Breakdown. Penélope Cruz offers a sultry performance as a housewife, and Carmen Maura is wonderful as her long-lost mother, returning from the dead. Yohana Cobo and Lola Duenas provide well-acted support, in an honest, compassionate film, that lacks Almodóvar's usual carnal sexual explicitness (which tripped some of his other films).

4. Children of Men

This is the movie I saw from the beginning. I don't mean to be rude, but I saw this coming. I hoped for this film to be big, and despite it's late bloomer status, locked out of the major awards, it was my film from the start. But let's get to the point. In this very loose adaptation of my favorite P.D. James novel, Clive Owen is a few years too young, Julianne Moore doesn't get pregnant and the main antagonist is scratched. Yet Clive Owen looks dirty enough to be fifty, and packs the same forthcoming determination. Julianne Moore doesn't get pregnant, but what the hell. Clare Hope-Ashitey was, in my mind, the best acted breakout performance of 2006, with her dirtied features, doe eyes, and very large belly. At least I got one prediction right.

3. Clean

Clean was the first of the year that really was good. For a while I thought no film could surpass. Then Kate Winslet and Ivana Baquero came waltzing along, and uh-oh, it was bounced to third, but it was still a gem of a movie. These top three films are truly masterpieces in themselves, among those twenty-five elite that remain the top films of the decade. Maggie Cheung and Nick Nolte deliver some of the most mind-blowing and impressive performances of the year, that pack all the punch that we only thought big-budget Oscar films could pack. Cheung came forward through 2046 and In the Mood for Love, but with her ex-hubby Oliver Assayas, she gave such a performance that it pounded all the other Meryl Streeps down.

2. Pan's Labryinth

As Pan's Labryinth finished, I sat in a daze for a few moments. I was stunned. The acting, the visuals, the ideas, the plot...it all worked together to form a spell-bounding film that left spittle escaping the side of my mouth. Disgusting, but the frog's intestines were also plenty unpleasant. Ivana Baquero, Maribel Verdu, Adriana Gil, Alex Angulo and especially Sergi Lopez in a performance that made Darth Vader look like a good guy, worked together with the mind-bottling visuals to force that spit out of the left side of my mouth. The film is gorgeous, from the frog's intestines covered in cave beatles, slime and a key, to a towering golden hall flowered with three beautiful thrones, reaching up towards the ceiling. I want to see it again.

1. Little Children

Ah...I love Kate Winslet (who doesn't)? Yet, besides Heavenly Creatures, Iris, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, etc...there is a red swimsuit that calls for her. Her beautiful potrayal of a housewife in a struggle, mid-life crisis to say, blew my mind away. Meanwhile, Patrick Wilson remained a sexay house-husband, under the not-so-watchful eye of Jennnifer Connelly. Together, Winslet and Wilson acted their way to the top of my list, relieving me of every inhuman cinematic attempt at recreating suburban life in the twenty-five years of my life. And they need to do more sex scene together.

Cherry Maraschino For the Morning Blues

I changed the general format of the blog, from purple-and-white to red all around. And Blogger and YouTube won't work together so for some error, I can't post video. Aw, fuck it. Here's a nice little (PhotoShopped) picture of Jessica Simpson's mugshot. Don't worry John Mayer, it's not real.

April Fool's Day: Part II

This is the second part of the April Fool's Day celebration, with tiers of the films, performances and direction. The black signifies the nominees, the blue signifies the contenders and red signifies the long shots. Part II is Picture and Leading Actor/Actress. Part III is the less interesting part, with Director and Supporting Actor/Actress. With the exception of me, because Supporting Actress is just such a sexy category. Now excuse me while I run off to watch Grind House with zombies eating Fergalicious meat and getting shot down by Rose McGowan's undeniably sexy gun of leg.

Picture
Reservation Road
Charlie Wilson’s War
American Gangster
There Will be Blood
The Assassination of Jesse James...
Evening
In the Valley of Elah
The Golden Age
Stop Loss
Sweeney Todd
Rendition
My Blueberry Nights
A Mighty Heart
I’m Not There
The Golden Compass
Elegy: Dying Animal

Leading Actress
Angelina Jolie, A Mighty Heart
Cate Blanchett, The Golden Age
Catherine Keener, An American Crime
Nicole Kidman, Margot at the Wedding
Halle Berry, Things We Lost in the Fire
Marion Coitllard, La Vie en Rose
Keira Knightley, Atonement
Julia Roberts, Charlie Wilson’s War
Anna Paquin, Margaret
Reese Witherspoon, Rendition
Norah Jones, My Blueberry Nights
Jodie Foster, The Brave One
Vanessa Redgrave, Evening
Ashley Judd, Bug
Helena Bonham Carter, Sweeney Todd
Julie Christie, Away From Her

Leading Actor
Daniel Day-Lewis, There Will be Blood
Brad Pitt, The Assassination of Jesse James...
Tom Hanks, Charlie Wilson’s War
Joaquin Phoenix, Reservation Road
Denzel Washington, American Gangster
George Clooney, Michael Clayton
Tommy Lee Jones, In the Valley of Elah
Jake Gyllenhaal, Rendition
Don Cheadle, Talk to Me
John Cusack, Grace Is Gone
Christian Bale, Rescue Dawn
Johnny Depp, Sweeney Todd
Javier Bardem, Goya’s Ghosts
Ryan Phillippe, Stop Loss
James McAvoy, Atonement
Javier Bardem, Love in the Time of Cholera

April Fool's Day. Part I.

April Fool's Day doesn't mean incorrect predix. So let me get to the point. Here are my first predictions for this Oscar Race. Now before I get out, lemme just give you the Oscar predictions. These are for the major categories, and are ordered.


Picture
Charlie Wilson’s War
American Gangster
In the Valley of Elah
Evening
The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford


Director
Mike Nichols, Charlie Wilson’s War
Kimberly Peirce, Stop Loss
Wong Kar Wai, My Blueberry Nights
Ridley Scott, American Gangster
Andrew Dominik, The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford


Leading Actor
Daniel Day-Lewis, There Will be Blood
Brad Pitt, The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford
Tom Hanks, Charlie Wilson’s War
Denzel Washington, American Gangster
Tommy Lee Jones, In the Valley of Elah

Leading Actress
Angelina Jolie, A Mighty Heart
Cate Blanchett, The Golden Age
Catherine Keener, An American Crime
Nicole Kidman, Margot at the Wedding
Keira Knightley, Atonement

Supporting Actor
Joaquin Phoenix, Reservation Road
Philip Seymour Hoffman, Charlie Wilson’s War
Jason Patric, In the Valley of Elah
Matthew Fox, Vantage Point
Chris Cooper, The Kingdom

Supporting Actress
Mira Sorvino, Reservation Road
Rachel Weisz, My Blueberry Nights
Vanessa Redgrave, Charlie Wilson’s War
Flora Cross, American Gangster
Meryl Streep, Evening

Original Screenplay
Stop Loss
In the Valley of Elah
American Gangster
Cassandra's Dream
Margot at the Wedding

Adapted Screenplay
Charlie Wilson's War
Reservation Road
Beowulf
Evening
The Assassination of Brad Pitt by the Coward Ben Affleck's Brother

Happy Birthday Norah!

I haven't posted in a while (due to Blog problems, sickness is general laziness), but today makes me happy. Why? It's Norah Jones' birthday! Yay!

Bloggy Bloggy.

I've been sneezing the hell out of my blog for the last week, so that's why I haven't posted. Meanwhile, eBlogger has been acting up again. Hmph. I don't think I'll finish the Top 20 countdown by April Fool's Day...

But here's a little Kidman to glam you (or me) up.

From the upcoming adaptation "The Golden Compass."

#17: Talk to Me

Talk to Me, directed by Kasi Lemmons. Starring Don Cheadle, Taraji P. Henson, Chiwetel Ejiofor, Martin Sheen and Cedric the Entertainer.

I love you, Taraji. Look, come over here, with a star-studded cast of above, along with Mike Epps and Elle Downs. Talk to Me chronicles "The real-life story of Ralph Waldo "Petey" Greene (Don Cheadle), an outspoken ex-con who talked his way into becoming an iconic radio personality in the 1960s in Washington, D.C. Sparked by both the era's vibrant soul music and exploding social consciousness, Petey openly courted controversy at a white-owned station. Relying on producer Dewey Hughes (Chiwetel Ejiofor) to run interference, Petey's unprecedented "tell it like it is" on-air style gave voice and spirit to the black community during an exciting and turbulent period in American history." Yes, that sounds heavy, but it sounds nice and baity, which might as well mean Oscar. Or is it too risky for this little-known actress-turned-director. Whatevs. I'll take any film with that jaw-dropping actress, after Hustle & Flow.

Nice hair, sistah. I hope that's Taraji (the original picture had her dancing with Cheadle).

2007 Preview Recollection
#18: Vantage Point
#19: Trade
#20: Things We Lost in the Fire

#18: Vantage Point

Vantage Point, directed by Pete Travis. Starring Forest Whitaker, Matthew Fox, Siguorney Weaver, Dennis Quaid and William Hurt.

Vantage Point is about " With a Rashomon narrative style, the attempted assassination of the president is told from five different perspectives." Death of a President plus Akira Kirosawa wannabes, anyone? But look at that cast! I failed to recognize Zoë Saldaña, Edgar Ramirez, Said Taghmaoui and Ayelet Zurer. Oh my. Well, of course I can't wait to see it, and although Quaid is sort of in his Bush-esque state, although the William Hurt plays President Ashton. From the interesting cast...I wonder whose playing the assassin, and etc. From the picture at the left, it appears Ricard E. Grant, Dennis Quaid and Matthew Fox are all flanking Hurt. Oh my. I can't wait. Anyway, the question is how conservative or liberal this film will be. Will it edge towards conversatism like other films, or be oh-so Michael Moore-y. But with this unknown director, who directed such TV minseries as Henry VIII, this film could go dastardly wrong if treated incorrectly. Go left, young man, although we might as well be looking straight into the eye of a Best Picture nominee, or one of my predictions, a Best Supporting Actor nomination for the one and only Matthew Fox.

One last screenshot of Quaid, looking very Bush-y..

"El Cantante" Trailer

This biopic of Hector Lavoe and his wife comes to theatres July 27th, 2007. Buckle up for the newly appointed queen of fashion, the one and only Jennifer Lopez, as well as her husband, Marc Antony. With Federico Castelluccio, Romi Dias and Vincet Laresca.

Award Police: Part III

Alas is the last segment. After a shitload of postponements, ‘ere is the third part of “Award Police,” the fashion segment.

Now I honestly don’t have much to bitch about in the fashion sense. Yes, Jessica Biel’s Pepto-Bisml dress was so tacky that even Abigail Breslin opted for a May-Queen style, but otherwise… Then again, I can go on for pages about how it isn’t usually a good idea to zoom in on Beyoncé during the acceptance speech of the Visual Effects, no matter how well she listens (no “Listen”/Dreamgirls pun intended). Still, I have to claim my eternal love for J. Lo’s daring, yet absolutely stunning dress. Girl, you got style.

This year was not a big year for fashion mishaps, or even a Charlize Theron-esque daring endeavor of a bow-on-shoulder that begins a tense online debate. Whatever.

First off: the Aussies. Naomi Watts must learn that poking through Cate Blanchett’s garbage is disturbing no matter marvelous her dress was and the fact that she won. Damn, you weren’t even nominated! Then there was Nicole Kidman. As I depicted with a sickening picture of her paired with a moppy Philip Seymour Hoffman, her cherry-red bow-topped (stole from Theron) Thing was quite cruel to Daniel Craig, cherries, Charlize Theron and everybody that she took up photo space with. Her Thing left memories in my mind of atrocious Björk swan dress, but otherwise, I turned my head, no matter how much I wanted to look at James Bond, away from the TV set. Bitch.

Then there were the dazzlers, the razzle-dazzlers, who stunned us with their daring waist sequins (the aforementioned J. Lo), their usual Hollywood glamour and elegance (Kate Winslet), the fashionable sweep of a azure shoulder strap (Maggie Gyllenhaal) and many, many more… The names listed above form a formidable list of the first and foremost women in Oscar fashion. And here I am, presenting the ten best-dressed women on February 25th, 2007:
10. Emily Blunt
9. Beyoncé Knowles
8. Cate Blanchett
7. Kate Winslet
6. Rachel Weisz
5. Penelope Cruz
4. Maggie Gyllenhaal
3. Helen Mirren
2. Reese Witherspoon
1. The Amazing Goddess of Jennifer Lopez

Witherspoon, who after her little Mena Suvari-wannabe Malibu hooker outfit, turned back into simplistic style with that beautiful navy blue dress, particularly surprised me. Yummy. Tell me again, why did Ryan Phillippe divorce her?

And then there were the men. Not much going on special, with sole exceptions of George Clooney, Djimon Hounsou and Mark Wahlberg, and then that despicable outfit that Philip Seymour Hoffman put together… Oh goodness, he won an Oscar and his style is that bad? Oh. My. Goodness. Let’s shift our mindsets back to the three amigos, Clooney, Hounsou and Wahlberg, who were all immaculately dressed, I luv u all.

So that’s about it. I send my love to J. Lo and Marky Mark…but otherwise, let fashion live free and happy for the rest of it’s goddamn life. And how come Meryl Streep has no fashion whatsoever after The Devil Wears Prada? Let’s stick it J. Lo and Marky Mark.

2006, Adieu, betch. (Part I)

The top ten films of a year is a staple of blogs. And ever since I listed the Top 50, I have been bugging myself to do an exposé on the Top Ten. So here I am....2006, adieu, betch. Now here are the first five, the non-Chubby Hippo nominees.

10: Conversations with Other Women

This little piece of heaven on earth was shot completely in split-screen, an invigorating an innovative thought that could bring new boundaries to filmmaking. But forget the photography, Conversations, starring a set-jawed Aaron Eckhart and a pouty Helena Bonham Carter, is not only smilingly funny, but also deeply textured, complex film reminding all of us of Before Sunset. It's truer and more human than most other films that attempt to recreate Linklater's film. Yet, this clever and innovative film is certainly a treat for me and my film-loving attitude. In other words, it put a smile on my face.



9. Hollywoodland

Ben Affleck is yummy. So is Diane Lane. So this well-done neo-noir thriller/drama recounting a possible homicide in the death of 1950's Superman George Reeves, played by the astounding Ben Affleck, showing that he still has that acting talent shown in Good Will Hunting, except to a greater degree. While, Adrien Brody disappears into his role of a detective, I could watch a film entirely basis of Reeves and Toni Mannix (a splendid Diane Lane) and that might as well be my #1 film of the year. Despite Brody, this noirish, understated masterpiece of Allen Coulter was not generally embraced by critics. I, in fact, did embrace it.



8. The Last King of Scotland

Forest Whitaker won an Oscar. Yay. But there's more to life than winning an Oscar, from cruelly dictating Uganda with an adulertous wife and a charming persona. Meet Idi Amin. Like Adrien Brody in the aforementioned Hollywoodland, Whitaker disappears into the role. However, after this, I watched American Gun on DVD, also with Whitaker, and I found it hard to believe this charismatic tyrant could also play other characters. Whitaker plays Amin so well that it's hard to believe that Amin himself is not in a documentary. Meanwhile, James McAvoy plays his doctor, who has an affair with Kerry Washington (Amin's wife), topped with marvelous acting and Gillian Anderson as McAvoy's wife. I loved this film, and Whitaker's my homie.



7. Half Nelson


Ryan Gosling never got a chance to bloom. I love the man. And Half Nelson is a homage to all his work of the years, from the little-known The Believer to the romance of The Notebook, yet Half Nelson is the best yet. He plays Dan Dunne, a school teacher, the type that I wish I always had, who wants his students to learn, yet somehow ends up in a drug-addled comatose every night. When one of his students (Shareeka Epps, revealing that talent has not completely dried up with Dakota Fanning in child actors) finds out his addictions, they begin an unlikely friendship. And I like unlikely friendships. This reminds of the upcoming Clean (upcoming on this list), with astounding performances from Gosling and Maggie Cheung. Well, just watch this movie.



6. Stick It


Now occasionally there is a film that only you enjoy. And for me, it's Stick It. Yes, it's about elite gymnastics and stars a female Hilary Swank eight years younger, but still, it's a film that defines who I am, and this is quite the film. Jeff Bridges, meanwhile turns up as a legendary gymnastics coach, while Missy Peregrym, reeking of Hilary Swank, delivers a performance better than Million Dollar Baby or Boys Don't Cry. It's a chick flick. It's a comedy. But, hey, I liked it. Of course, I preferred Vanessa Lengies's ass-kicking bitchiness (above) to Abigail Breslin's screaming pipsqueak beauty queen, or Nikki SooHoo's addictive (yes, I watched at least three times) gymnastic/dance routine to "Come Baby Come" more addictive than Ryan Gosling's crack addiction. (Er...never mind) Still, this film was ultimately quotable, from "It's not called gym-nice-stics." to "What's with all the closed-captioning? I'm not mute!" or "You get to fall on your face, your ass, your back, your knees, and you're pride! It's a good thing I didn't like falling- I LOVED IT!" You go, gurl. Make Jeff Bridges cry, Missy! Bitch, MAKE 'EM CRY, MISSY! MAKE HILARY SWANK CRY!




Oh well, the top five will be coming up soon. For your information, those are the the Chubby Hippo nominees.

The Worst Dressed.

Call the fashion police. Or Miranda Priestley, mabye J. Lo and George Clooney. But Philip Seymour Hoffman's evident "I don't really give a damn" or Nicole Kidman's sickening bow makes her resemble some sort of fake cherry-colored Charlize Theron. Reminds of Fergalicious bad fashion (Kidman, not Hoffman's sweaty recycling of haut monde). A shout out to Naomi Watts, don't go snooping around in Cate Blanchett's trash.

#19: Trade

Trade, directed by Marco Kreuzpaintner. Starring Kevin Kline, Alicja Bachleda-Curus, Paulina Gaitan, Kathleen Gati and Zack Ward.

Trade is about "Adriana (Paulina Gaitan) is a 13-year-old girl from Mexico City whose kidnapping by sex traffickers sets in motion a desperate mission by her 17-year-old brother, Jorge (Cesar Ramos), to save her. Trapped and terrified by an underground network of international thugs who earn millions exploiting their human cargo, Adriana's only friend and protector throughout her ordeal is Veronica (Alicja Bachleda-Curus), a young Polish woman tricked into the trade by the same criminal gang. As Jorge dodges immigration officers and incredible obstacles to track the girls' abductors, he meets Ray (Kevin Kline), a Texas cop whose own family loss to sex trafficking leads him to become an ally in the boy's quest. Fighting with courage and hard-tested faith, the characters of Trade negotiate their way through the unspeakable terrain of the sex trade "tunnels" between Mexico and the United States. From the barrios of Mexico City and the treacherous Rio Grande border, to a secret internet sex slave auction and the final climactic confrontation at a stash house in suburban New Jersey, Ray and Jorge forge a close bond as they give desperate chase to Adriana's kidnappers before she is sold and disappears forever into this brutal global underworld, a place from which few victims ever return ." Sounds Babel-y. Oh my. However, does that mean Oscar? While this may seem like a rip-off of Crash/Babel sans a respected director or a superb cast, with Kline leading the cast, I can see Oscars already. While I don't really want to write too much (I grab my plots from IMDb), I can say I'm a bit disturbed my the plot: child sex trade is quite a bit more disturbing than racial conflicts in L.A. or a worldwide tragedy hitting Brad Pitt. Well...it opens limited on August 30th, about when The Constant Gardener opened two years before.

One last screenshot of Kline and Gaitan...

Er...Sunday Maybe?

No Award Police: Part III today. Wait 'till tomorrow.

Oscar Backlash? Sit Down.

Remember this little episode. Marty, just call Meryl Streep and she'll calm Marky Mark and Leo down. Or maybe it's good to get a standing ovation. I still preferred Jennifer Hudson's, Forest Whitaker's, and whoever won the Sound Mixing Oscar's speeches more.

#20: Things We Lost in the Fire

For the next month, I will be doing a feature on one film that I am expectantly anticipating as a 2007 Oscar contender, twenty total. At the end of the twenty affairs of upcoming films, I will be wrapping this up with my first blog-posted Oscar predictions for 2007. The first film is Susanne Bier's Things We Lost in the Fire.

Things We Lost in the Fire, directed by Susanne Bier. Starring Halle Berry, Benicio Del Toro, David Duchnovy, Alison Lohman and Robin Weigert.

Things We Lost in the Fire is about "A recent widow invites her husband's troubled best friend to live with her and her two children. As he gradually turns his life around, he helps the family cope and confront their loss. ." Sounds Hallmark-y. Oh my. It does. But forget that, this is Halle Berry's big return to good films, although Perfect Stranger arrives in April. With such a seasoned cast, I'm anticipating an Oscar nomination for Berry, with chances for Del Toro and Lohman. God knows, maybe she'll be the next female Denzel Washington. Or not. Also, Susanne Bier (of Brødre and After the Wedding)

One last screenshot...seemingly of Berry and her daughter.

I've Been a Real Bad Girl...

The last segment of "Award Police: Part III" is not coming out today, wait until tomorrow.

September 3rd, 1973...

On September 3rd 1973, at 6:28pm and 32 seconds, a bluebottle fly capable of 14,670 wing beats a minute landed on Rue St Vincent, Montmartre. At the same moment, on a restaurant terrace nearby, the wind magically made two glasses dance unseen on a tablecloth...

Happy March.

I hate March. Fuck March. No more Oscars.

I'm Uglier than Angie.

(Angelina Jolie, that is)

Angie is much hotter than I'll ever be, and she's the hottest woman in the world by far (with Kate Winslet and Justin Timberlake trailing closely behind). So I replaced the dowdy picture of myself in exchange for Le Jolie.

"Caffeine" Trailer

Oooh! I'm hyper! Time for films, now that our favorite show is over (claps for Marty and Jennifer). The release date is March 16th (Limited).

The Best Dressed

Ah Fashion...I love J. Lo and George Clooney.

Award Police: Part II

(Part II of III)

Oh, the anticipation! Oh, the glamour! Oh, the drama! Oh, Jack Nicholson’s Britney head! The Oscars certainly arrived, last night, in style, vogue and Jennifer Hudson’s god-given tears.

The night began off as a partly cloudy late afternoon with the biggest names in showbiz right there, in front of Kodak Theatre. Now, before I begin to evoke a meteorologist, I should say I forgot it was only four P.M. in Los Angeles. Oh, what the hell, let the party begin.

The Barbara Walters special was actually quite interesting, considering that Helen Mirren would “take her kit off” again and Eddie Murphy’s …er… love of recluse. Yet, fuck that. The Oscars was why I was watching television. The evening began with those tiresome celebrity interviews with those blurbs of info at the bottom of my television screen. Also, some large black man describing the process of Jennifer Hudson choosing her not-particularly-stylish dress (get rid of that snakeskin jacket, sister!) and her “comfortable” stiletto heels. Are stiletto heels really oh-so-comfortable? Only at the Oscars.

So now that were done with the milling around on the red carpet, let’s move into Ellen DeGeneres’ hut of golden statues and everyone that really matters in film (well except for poor Judi Dench, who was having surgery on her boobs). Sadly, the normally snappy DeGeneres failed to make the night come alive (with the exception of a few jokes), attempting to portray some sort of celebrity soothsayer. Forget calming down and Christian Baptism hymns, bring on the jokes, bitch! I want my Jon Stewart. Hell yeah, I could be a better host. Anyway, praying that we’ll get a more interesting host next year; let the awards commence.

Art Direction? Who really cares other than Guillermo Del Toro? Make-up? Psssh… Sound mixing and sound editing? Their only virtues were some random guy sticking his hands into mud for Apocalypto. I don’t remember the order…because don’t people have lives? Do they really need to sit there with their eyes glazed over at whether a impossibly cute Jaden Smith and a similarly cute Abigail Breslin (although, maybe you should take some improv classes, little one) presented Live-Action Short before Animated Short. And then there was Supporting Actor.

Now before I announced my bewilderment over Supporting Actor, let me say this: I don’t give a damn about any technical, or any other category besides the big eight besides Original Song and Costume Design. Or scrap the screenplays. That was boring. Let’s move onto to Alan Arkin’s little golden statue. Supporting Actor was among the categories with the most weight (besides Picture). So, the drama was heightening as gorgeous Mark Wahlberg furrowed his eyebrows his eyebrows at the damn sexy woman named Rachel Weisz, as she proudly declared “And the winner is…” Alan Fucking Arkin. In actuality, he and Breslin were thankfully the only highlights of an otherwise mediocre film. However, his acceptance speech was a few lengths short of deviating my attention from my fingernails. I miss his jaded cynicism from Thirteen Conversations About One Thing, or his heroin-and-porn addiction from Little Miss Sunshine. Bring on the love, grandpa! I want you to tear me away from my lengthening fingernails!

OK, I’m finished ranting. Let’s move on. Jennifer Hudson, Dreamgirls. No surprises here, except her mention of Jennifer Holliday in her heartfelt acceptance speech (hers, Whitaker’s and the female Best Make-Up (“It’s very heavy!” upon receiving her Oscar) recipient had the only remotely digressing acceptance speeches). I want her acceptance speech. Thank god, and her heartfelt (overused word?) dedication to her grandmother, more heartfelt than Reese Witherspoon’s peppy grandmother dedication.

Then there was costume design, whose elaborate sets, a live dog, a sashaying Annika Noni Rose wannabe and a suddenly living sword, were eye candy. Speaking of eye candy, the succulent Marie Antoinette received an Oscar (“Let them eat cake!”) while the even more delicious Marky Mark failed to obtain his much deserved statue. Now let’s move onto Original Song. The Cars song was awfully dead, compared to the explosive power of Dreamgirls or the environmental slides of “I Need To Wake Up” from double-winner An Inconvenient Truth. While the three glamorous Dreamgirls songs might have missed out, Melissa Etheridge’s heartfelt kiss to her lesbian makes all those ranting wannabe liberals (Crash was actually a better film, face it) forget about last year’s Brokeback “snub.” Although “Listen” is stuck in my head, “Patience” brought the real power to the Original Song category. Patience, little brother… Patience, little sister… Maybe it was too much of a reference to Catwoman to win.

Now let’s get onto the big dawgs.

Leading Actress: Helen Mirren. “This is the queen!” Otherwise, no surprises here.

Leading Actor: Hallelujah, Forest Whitaker took home the other queen! The great actor finally took home a “queen” in all his grander. His acceptance speech brought out the tears in me (again, I also cried when Jennifer Hudson won and during the “In Memoriam.” They should have had a more tear-worthy actress besides Jodie Foster do that next year), I loved his story of how one can be raised up high by dreams. How a little boy in the back seat of a drive-in car could be such a Forest Whitaker. I love you, Idi.

Now let’s move onto the three amigos and Marty. Poor, poor George Lucas never won and Oscar, and him in all his geeky glory brought back memories of watching Star Wars. Not really. But anyway, the three white-bearded amigos presented the award (bad Steven Spielberg should have had poor statueless Lucas announce the award) but Scorsese seemed plenty gratified to have his three amigos from the ‘70s present his award. But it just seems so belated to give him it now after Raging Bull, Taxi Driver and GoodFellas. But someday you’ll win an Oscar. Maybe not on your third film. That’s life, Alejandro. But then when you do get it, it’ll take a few pounds of Meryl Streep to calm Leo and Marky Mark down.

And then came the Best Picture. I swear, there must be fingernail marks on the chair where I was sitting. Oh, the drama! Diane Keaton, who didn’t deserve to be up there after Because I Said So, although delivered the oodles of enthusiasm that Jack Nicholson/Britney Spears lacked. (I have to say, though. Nicholson looks better without any hair than the rehab skipper/Justin cheater Britney) Pop culture tidbit: I saw Cameron Diaz and Jessica Biel hanging around the podium, but no ScarJo and no Timberlake. Make that ScarLake. ScarLake was probably off in some faraway bed fucking the hell of each other and not paying attention the blaring Television screen displaying Justin’s three ex-girlfriends, two sexy with terrible fashion (see Part III later this week) and one standing with Diane Keaton. Back to Keaton. While Jack didn’t really do anything but hand his assignments over to Diane and open the envelope (remember when Catherine Zeta-Jones could barely open the envelope in 2003 due to her fingernails!). But when Diane peered around Britney/Jack, she raised her hands up high and defiantly declared The Departed! with such enthusiasm for what must have been her favorite BP nominee that you could hear Greta Garbo chuckling somewhere, far off. Oh, whatever. The most deserving film of the year won (well, sans the twenty films above it). That means something to me. I love you Diane, no matter how many terrible romantic comedies you make.


Also: later this week, I don't know when, I will be posting the fashion and afterthoughts, the last segment of Award Police. Anyway, do I sound less like Breakfast?

Wake Up!

For the upcoming (or previous night's) Oscars, it's "One Night Only."

The 9th Annual Chubby Hippo Awards

Every year I, Chubbit a.k.a. Naughty Marianne Jean-Baptiste present the Chubby Hippo Awards as my own personal awards. However, instead of awarding the most buzzed about film, such as The Departed or Babel, I base my awards on quality entirely. Yes, The Departed, Letters From Iwo Jima, Notes On a Scandal or Dreamgirls, which were all superb films, there were five films that stood out: those are the nominees. Children of Men, Clean, Little Children, Pan's Labryinth and Volver. Then there were twenty-five individuals whose work in film, five for directors directing the nominated films, and twenty for performances ranging in intensity, age, and films. Today, the winners are announced, and I am delighted to bring them to me. And please post your reactions. Also, I thought Babel and Little Miss Sunshine were quite mediocre.

9th Annual Chubby Hippo Award Nominations

Best Picture
Children of Men
Clean
Little Children
Pan’s Labyrinth
Volver

Best Director
Oliver Assayas, Clean
Pedro Almodovár, Volver
Alfonso Cuarón, Children of Men
Guillermo Del Toro, Pan’s Labryinth
Todd Field, Little Children

Best Leading Actor
Ryan Gosling, Half Nelson
Edward Norton, The Illusionist
Clive Owen, Children of Men
Forest Whitaker, The Last King of Scotland
Patrick Wilson, Little Children

Best Leading Actress
Ivana Baquero, Pan’s Labryinth
Maggie Cheung, Clean
Penélope Cruz, Volver
Meryl Streep, The Devil Wears Prada
Kate Winslet, Little Children

Best Supporting Actor
Ben Affleck, Hollywoodland
Stephen Dorff, Shadowboxer
Jackie Earl Haley, Little Children
Sergí Lopez, Pan’s Labryinth
Nick Nolte, Clean

Best Supporting Actress
Clare-Hope Ashitey, Children of Men
Frances McDormand, Friends With Money
Emily Blunt, The Devil Wears Prada
Cameron Maura, Volver
Brittany Murphy, The Dead Girl




So those are the nominees. Are you ready for the winners?

The first category is Best Supporting Actor (some may consider me a feminist) and the nominees are:
Ben Affleck, Hollywoodland
Stephen Dorff, Shadowboxer
Jackie Earl Haley, Little Children
Sergí Lopez, Pan’s Labryinth
Nick Nolte, Clean

And the winner is...
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Ben Affleck, Hollywoodland




The second category is Best Supporting Actress (My favorite category) and the nominees are:
Clare-Hope Ashitey, Children of Men
Frances McDormand, Friends With Money
Emily Blunt, The Devil Wears Prada
Cameron Maura, Volver
Brittany Murphy, The Dead Girl

And the winner is...
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Frances McDormand, Friends With Money




The third category is Best Leading Actress (for Actressexuals) and the nominees are:
Ivana Baquero, Pan’s Labryinth
Maggie Cheung, Clean
Penélope Cruz, Volver
Meryl Streep, The Devil Wears Prada
Kate Winslet, Little Children

And the winner is...
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Kate Winslet, Little Children




The fourth category is Best Leading Actor (I have no snappy comment) and the nominees are:
Ryan Gosling, Half Nelson
Edward Norton, The Illusionist
Clive Owen, Children of Men
Forest Whitaker, The Last King of Scotland
Patrick Wilson, Little Children

And the winner is...
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Patrick Wilson, Little Children




The fifth category is Best Director (all directors nominated are the same as the pictures nominated) and the nominees are:
Oliver Assayas, Clean
Pedro Almodovár, Volver
Alfonso Cuarón, Children of Men
Guillermo Del Toro, Pan’s Labryinth
Todd Field, Little Children
And the winner is...
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Pedro Almodovár, Volver




The sixth category is Best Picture (the big finale) and the nominees are:
Children of Men
Clean
Little Children
Pan’s Labyrinth
Volver

And the winner is...
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Little Children

So that pretty much wraps up the 9th annual Chubby Hippo Awards. Feel free to leave comments (as anonymous if you don't have a blog). Also, you may post your own lineups and winners. Just comment.

Award Police Info.

Just to tell y'all that Award Police: Part I will be posted on Monday, and Award Police: Part II will be posted on Sunday. Now make way for the 9th annual Chubby Hippo Awards.

Generica

Ok, I'm delving into the world of average lists with a list of the top 50 films of this year. And I left the top 5 off until tomorrow, for the Chubby Hippo Awards. And now today is tomorrow, so I added the Top 5. (Note: I omitted animated films, I don't know why)

50. Phat Girlz
49. Bobby
48. Kinky Boots
47. Flags of Our Fathers
46. An Incovenient Truth
45. Edmond
44. This Film Has Not Yet Been Rated
43. Water
42. Strangers With Candy
41. The Great New Wonderful
40. Inside Man
39. The Proposition
38. CSA: The Confederate States of America
37. World Trade Center
36. Madea's Family Reunion
35. Casino Royale
34. The Queen
33. 10 Items or Less
32. Dreamgirls
31. Venus
30. Mini's First Time
29. Akeelah and the Bee
28. The Science of Sleep
27. The Illusionist
26. Free Zone
25. Letters from Iwo Jima
24. The Devil Wears Prada
23. Quinceanera
22. The Dead Girl
21. The Departed
20. The Notorious Bettie Page
19. Inland Empire
18. Notes on a Scandal
17. Friends With Money
16. Sleeping Dogs Lie
15. Thank You for Smoking
14. Lady Venegance
13. V for Vendetta
12. 3 Needles
11. The House of Sand
10. Conversations with Other Women
9. Hollywoodland
8. The Last King of Scotland
7. Half Nelson
6. Stick It

5. Volver
4. Children of Men
3. Clean
2. Pan's Labryinth
1. Little Children

More Heavenly Cinema

I might dig pop culture, I also dig pre-Nerdvana Peter Jackson. My fave movie of all time. Yowza, that sounded amateur.

Heavenly Cinema

If The Royal Tennenbaums is the world's greatest film, Heavenly Creatures is simply out of this world.

Fergadisturbia

A few years, the Black Eyed Peas made quite a hit with their idiotic hit, "My Humps." Then the film "Disturbia" opens later next week. Forget Shia LaBeouf and Carrie-Ann Moss; this is Disturbia.

Award Police: Part I

(Part I of III)

Ah…the sweet smell of Kate Winslet’s sweat, as the biggest night of the year approaches. That is, in fashion, style, a little golden man and poor Kate Winslet, going home four, soon to be five times with only a lousy gift bag. Yes, Oscar night is upon us.

For all of us yeomen and yeowomen, the police of the awards, the Oscar Buzzers, we eagerly await this night with extensive lists of Oscar Predictions, upturned faces, and a night prayer for Letters from Iwo Jima to become a last-minute black horse. However, the Hollywood isn’t so nice after all. Once again, from Madonna’s worst album, "How can it hurt when it feels so good?" Yes it’ll feel good if Forest Whitaker grasps that Oscar, or if the aforementioned Winslet basks in the aura of an Academy Award win. But think Fergie… "And my Daddy told me so, he let his daughter know…" In other words (for less Fergalicious readers), showbiz ain’t E-Z. Yes, all these stars such as Vivien Leigh and Orson Welles, blinded by the blight of glamour, Hollywood and vogue, they appraise Hollywood’s open arms and loving embraces. Fuck that. Just ask Jeremy Piven a.k.a. Ari Gold. He’s forty-five and didn’t make headlines until last month.

Now let’s take a break from Fergie and Smokin’ Aces, I tend to delve off-topic to pleasured subjects (Ok, Jeremy Piven, not Smokin’ Aces). Let’s get to the main topic of this post: The Oscars.

My predictions are not the best. I have a feeling that I, like everybody else, am subject to putting my homie Forest Whitaker in front of Lawrence of Arabia. Still, these are my predictions.
Picture – Little Miss Sunshine
Director – Martin Scorsese, The Departed
Leading Actor – Forest Whitaker, The Last King of Scotland (arrgh)
Leading Actress – Helen Mirren, The Queen (duh)
Supporting Actor – Marky Mark, The Departed
Supporting Actress – Jennifer Hudson, Dreamgirls
On my original predictions (you know…the ones for nominees), I did okay. No, I did terribly, in my perspective. I made 4/5 in Best Picture, not surprisingly, considering how I, as well as the rest of the world, missed the Dreamgirls overkill instead of the critically acclaimed Letters from Iwo Jima. In director, I made out 4/5 (again), this time skipping Greengrass for Bill Condon for Dreamgirls. However, poor Paul never made much higher up than #12-ish on my predictions. In Actor, I predicted 4/5, pretty well, or an lovely 5/5 if you’re nice and say that I got Leonardo DiCaprio and it doesn’t matter if he was nominated for Blood Diamond, not The Departed. There won’t be much text on Best Actress, 5/5, considering that two weeks before the nominees were announced; we all already knew that if Maggie Gyllenhaal slipped in, that would render as a total shock. Supporting Actor was my misstep, with an appalling 1/5. Thank god for Eddie Murphy. Some of my blunders were understandable, Jack Nicholson instead of Marky Mark? Duh. However, why I believed Michael Sheen would get a nod is now beyond my post-coital Nominee experience. Earlier, Cinemaniac blasted my predictions in only the Supporting Actor. I was a dumbass and refused to budge my precious Brad Pitt and Ben Affleck. Once again, personal opinion over critical opinion. I preferred the grandeur and glamour of Affleck in Hollywoodland to Djimon Honsou’s grit and glistening forehead in the mediocre Blood Diamond. Still, Honsou’s silver tie at the Golden Globes as positively orgasmic. Ok, I think I’ll move on now. Supporting Actress I scored 5/5, everything from Jennifer Hudson bravura and Cate Blanchett’s ethereality to Rinko Kikuchi’s undefinable deafness (she made Babel watchable). Although, Barrazza and Breslin just don’t do it for me. At least I pulled off a perfect 5/5…

So those are my views on the upcoming Oscars. For now, on Oscar Buzz, we’re dissecting Marky Mark’s penis size, Rinko Kikuchi’s nomination-grabbing nudity, Meryl Streep’s 46% Oscar nomination rate, Kate Winslet fanboyism and the recently ended delicate dance between Breakfast and the admins. Anyway, as I’m reading over this, I’m starting to sound like Breakfast. Is that good or bad? It’s better than sounding like Joe/Yorick. ("Eveb," "Idae," "I’m a pathetic, sad person," "Well, f--k you!" all are direct quotes from one thread). Now excuse me while I decide whether to use Lil’ Kim’s "Whoa!" or Dreamgirls’ "One Night Only" for next week’s Wake Up! You can give me another suggestion through comments.

This is Naughty Marianne Jean-Baptiste’s three-part Oscar column "Award Police". Tune in next time for the last-minute thoughts as well as what next week’s Wake Up! video will be.

I Dig Pop Culture.

Paris forgets her underwear.


Britney forgets her underwear.


Paris makes a sex tape.


Britney shaves her head.


Four words: I DIG POP CULTURE.


Why? "Hollywood, how can it hurt when it feels good?" I must be desperate to quote Madonna's worst album, but pop culture is a measure of the stupidity of America, and I luv to mock stupid Americans. I wonder why? (I'm listening to Lily Allen's "Smile" and dropping my chin at how damn smart Marisa_Gabriella is) Of course, I was first in line to get Fergie's The Dutchess and am hooked on "The Insider" (somewhat), but I still DIG POP CULTURE. Paris Hilton is a goddess, not just for socialite wannabes, but also for me. I should be honoring Meryl Streep, Audrey Hepburn or even P!nk, but Paris Hilton is a goddess. She has more print space than Meryl ever, or will ever obtain. And then Britney Spears is perhaps, the most interesting person in the world. I'm not kidding.


And then Justin Timberlake is just so hawt. And Fergie is really hawt too.

Oscar Buzz

Oscar Buzz. The name may have some er...unusual connotations. However, Oscar Buzz is an outlet for the film gods and goddesses to show their true colors and fly their flags, from Flags of our Fathers to Trois Colores. It was there where I met Amy and Breakfast, as well as an eccentric cast of characters, previously chronicled in Breakfast With a Libertine's profile.

I decided to redefine myself on the IMDb boards from a roaming poster sans a true identity to an ambiguous "Chubbit" on the fateful day of July 29th, 2006. From July to September, I claimed my territory on various boards, from The Time Traveler's Wife, Rent, and Bel Canto, to Wonder Woman. However, exactly two months later, on an even-more fateful September 29th, 2006; a link on another's messsage board profile (The Time Traveler's Wife) brought me to a board named "Oscar Buzz." There I made my first post, on the 1,000+ posted thread deciding the best film ever... However, it was on "Oscar Buzz" where I was introduced to an aforementioned eccentric cast of characters: BreakfastwithaLibertine, Amy_Winslet, Joe_Gilis, Hexibar_Saarsgard, Marisa_Gabriella, Popeye_Connelly, Shiza_Minelli, Cloak_of_the_Apocalpyse, PrinceEricSUCKS, Suzanne_Bale, Sensenomaking, Javier_Nasty, Nathaniel_Portman, Daniel_Owen (or maybe it was Daniel_Moore), Owls_Go and an elusive, lauded-upon, 12-year old queen of Oscar Buzz named "Jen_Gyllenhaal." Eventually, I burst onto the A-list, after many long hours of chain-posting, kissing Breakfast's ass, making Joe (now Yorick) exceedingly pissed off (pleasing Hexibar, now Sexi_Hexi_Green), and making comments on the greatness of Stick It. Others have followed me, but Oscar Buzz is part of my life. And, I luv u, Amy.

Wake Up! Monday Music Video.

Every Monday (or late Sunday), to wake you (and me) up, I will post a music video. (Sorry for the double videos)

This week it's Nelly Furtado's new No. 1 single: "Say It Right"

Mordecai

I Heart the Royal Tennenbaums (and Luke Wilson)

The First

Sometimes you have to go with the flow. Although I may appeal as an individualistic woman, sometimes I have to go with the flow. Maybe that's a little deep for my first post...but here's my eBlogger blog. Aren't you proud? Your little Chubbit is all grown up with a blog! I don't really have much to say (at the moment) other than this will be a film-based blog with little musings about life, Fergie, Justin Timberlake, Oscar Buzzing and my namesake.

A while ago Breakfast created a blog. Amy already had one. So I jumped on board and sacrificed my blogging virginity (well, since that last one installed all those viruses) for conformity. So here goes...

A little picture of Ms. Jean-Baptiste: